Film Review: "The Watch"

Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade, Rosemary DeWitt, Will Forte, Nicholas Braun

Director: Akiva Schaffer

Initial Release Date/s: 07/27/12 [United States]

Running Time: 102 Minutes

They said that it was way too big too fail - They were correct!

In the fictional town of Glenview, Ohio, Evan (Stiller) is the town's most active resident. Evan is in almost every community-related activity, to starting organizations around the area, creating a seat in local office for him to hold, and becoming the Senior Manager at the local CostCo. To top it all of, he's also married to a beautiful wife, Abby, who wants to start a family, but unaware that her husband is sterile. Everything almost seems a bit too perfect [excluding that whole sterile part], until the night guard at CostCo gets killed and skinned. This prompts Evan to start a Neighborhood Watch. To his surprise, only three quirky locals join him in his suburban crusade. The volunteers are composed of Bob (Vaugnh), a tough loving father and artificer, Franklin (Hill), mentally stressed Police Academy reject, and Jamarcus (Ayoade), a recent divorcee from England with a secret that would shake the entire group.

The group embark on a series of local patrols, until they run over something. Upon investigation of what they thought they hit, they discover a green gooey substance that smells like "cum" and alien-like chrome orb. As it turns out, the group finds out that orb is this weaponized lazer emitter that eradicates its targets. Little do the members know as to what they have uncovered is something larger than a grumose local homicide, but an invasion from aliens.

SNL writer/director and member of comedy rap trio, Lonely Island, assumes the position of captain in this inevitable shipwreck of a film. The constant and horrendous use of phallic humor is more juvenile, than funny. At almost every scene you can one or the other member of the cast telling jokes about penises [and the occasional testicles] for cheap laughs. The plot had some many plot holes, a blind person could notice them. It was sad to say I barely laughed through out the entire ordeal, except when Stiller's character whistled the icon tune from Close Encounters of the Third Kind [1977] to peacefully communicate with the man-eating alien. 

The character development was another disappointment on its own. It was almost like the direction and pace they used was making each character stale. From Jamarcus' big reveal, to Evan admitting his sterility to his wife. The lack of build-up on those pivotal situations was dispiriting, to say the least. I really expected a lot from Ayoade's first major performance in his major movie across the pond, but I was let completely let down. Why Moss, why?

To top that all off, the blatant product placements were the most appalling. Yes, CostCo, you have everything, we get that! And Magnum condoms, we get it, you have sizes that even walruses could fit [Oh God, now more of the "Got Protection?" bill board ads of this movie are making more sense than the film!]. We don't need you telling us every 7-9 mins. about yourself. Gosh, get a life!

One can't solely put the entire blame on the production's head, because they did in fact take on one of the most difficult crossover genres in film, the "SciFi/Comedy" genre. It's a given that in this day and age critical and box office success with SciFi/Comedy isn't so easy. Take a look at these recent films in the same genre, Paul (2011), and Meet Dave (2008), none which lived up to their respective hype and studio budget. One might go on and say that these guys did not research, and just let the sponsors worry about everything in the longrun. This makes me really sad, as a big fan of both movie styles.

In the wake of all this ridiculousness, I'd like to leave with a relevant quote, "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." That ladies & gentlemen is how you properly meld science fiction and comedy. Thank You, Mr. Douglas Adams!


Verdict: See it when it's on cable/satellite.